||[Nov. 5th, 2007|12:03 pm]
i want to be skinny
|||||courage by superchic[k]||]|
im new and just decided to make my presence known. ima senior in high school. iv been dealing w/ my ED for prolly a couple years now. what exactly i have changes. i will normally just not eat or eat little with a lot of cold water, but sometimes, especially when im upset about something, i just totally pig out. then my stomach feels gross and im so entirely disgusted with myself... well, you get the idea of the pattern. lol. the only other thing pertaining to that is that i will cut myself every so often. i used to be a chub, no joke, it was disgusting, and then i lost prolly close to 30, and i wasn't as displeased with myself, but i still didn't like myself as much as i could. i got kind of depressed and started eating a lot more than i should've and i've gained like 5 lbs. i've been going through a lot w/ guys and school and graduating and all of that crap, not to mention my parents being extremely stupid. yuck. i have managed to keep my ED from them, but they have suspected many times. i just tend to save the times that i do eat for when i have no choice around them, because they really force it. for awhile (when i was @ my lowest) they actually started weighing me and checking my BMI. it was actually through the BMI scale that i found out that i could make it down to the 90s and still b considered healthy. lol. so ya, that's my basic story. i never talk abou tthis stuff with anyone, so this means a lot to me. i will definately post again!
HW: 140 (ya, gross)